Thursday 14 October 2010

Happy Birthday Pie.




It was Pies sixth birthday yesterday, and as I had to post something, and the post office is in the next village, I decided to take the dogs with me, and stop off at the pet store on the way home, to get Pie a present.
The best part about going to the post office, is that we don't have to walk through any cows, which means Ted comes home smelling as bad as he did when we set off, rather than worse, after applying more Eau de Bovine Shite. So Pie was plodding along, still not able to run after the mortal foot injury, boy was throwing conkers up in the air and skipping after them (and BTW, why does everyone I know under 20, call Ted, gaylord, when they see my happy boy skip?) and Madge had gone into the maize after pheasants. A little bit further along, I saw an elderly lady walking towards us. I've met her many times before, but she doesn't remember, and always tells me that she's having a stroll before lunch. She's very kind, and used to make a fuss of Dooza. Ted was up for a snog, and Pie allowed her ears to be scratched, but Madge was still on pheasant patrol in the maize. I said goodbye to my elderly friend, and walked on, until we were almost at the road. I put Pie and Ted on their leads and had to yell for Madge several times before she finally gave up the hunt and emerged from the crop, without any sign that a massacre had taken place...bonus! Did what I had to do in the post office, bought myself some wine gums, and wondered why plum jam is kept next to the thermal socks. Where is the marketing logic in that? Do people who wear thermal socks, like plum jam? Does anyone like plum jam? I think it's probably to do with the village being in a valley at the foot of Box Hill, and a combination of air pressure and inbreeding.

We set off home, and Pie had worked up a head of steam, because number one, we were now going in the right direction, and number two, she knew we were going to the sweet shop. Walking back down the path we saw the lady walking home from her pre lunch stroll. "Which one of your dogs is called Madge?" I showed her which one, and she told me that her name was also Madge, and she'd thought I was calling for her to come, so I asked her if all Madges were deaf, stubborn old buggers, and she said yes! Human Madge gave Ted another pat, (after telling me her brother in law was called Ted) and then scratched Pies ears again, saying, "you're very beautiful Madge" The real Madge had long since disappeared back into the maize. I'm living in the bloody twighlight zone, and it's not doing me any good, but I quite like it.
Gaylord was still skipping along the path chucking conkers, Pie had a wriggle on that makes her look like a 20k walker in the Commonwealth games, and canine Madge was busy flushing out wildlife. Should I be worried that I'm really happy with my life?

We got to the pet store, and yet again the guy who owns it tells me he used to make bird feeders and tables, but the council put up his business rates, and that combined with cheap imports from China, were the reasons he expanded into pet food etc. I really wanted to go home. I have this conversation with him every time I go in there, which is about twice a month.....for the last six years!! Madge and Pie chose a pigs ear, and gormless balls picked up a can of Chappie. I was almost tempted to buy it, because although it smells disgusting, it would make a pleasant change from his current stink of choice. Anyway, I swapped it for a bulls willy, and all three dogs trotted home, ate their treats, and crashed on the sofa for the rest of the day.

If the person in charge of reincarnation is reading this, I've changed my mind about coming back as a bee, can I be a Spinone next time please? Thank you.

2 comments:

  1. A Happy belated Birthday to Pie!!!

    I have so loved reading this post!! It has given me a good grin and a fun image of your going through your day and its adventures!! I think coming back as a Spinone instead of a bee might be a bit more fun, especially if someone like you is around! I hope you've had an enjoyable and relaxing evening!!!

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  2. Happy Birthday to Pie and thank you for following us. We are following you back and looking forward to more.

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