Monday, 18 July 2011

Space Commander Ted.

Yesterday was a bad day for Ted. Actually it was a good day for him, but a bad day for a few of the house contents.
If he wants the girls to play, but they are snoozing on the sofas or in a spare bedroom, he'll try to get them off, by pulling on the throws or duvets they're sleeping on. I'm usually around to show my displeasure, but yesterday, he managed to sneak two acts of mass destruction past me. I was busy in the garden, repairing the damage Ted had done to the hedge and fence. The boy apparently has a delicate constitution ( nothing to do with his liking for long since deceased cats, Branston pickle,jam doughnuts, cow poop, and crossword puzzle books) and when his poor tum tum can't cope with his diet, he chews another hole through the hedge, so he can dump the putrified contents of his bowels, in next doors garden, because he sure as shit doesn't want it in his own, and I have to say I'm with him on that one. Anyway, while I was doing that, he was shredding a new throw that was on a sofa, followed by the massacre of a double duvet cover, complete with the duvet, and all it's fluffy wuffy entrails. In my best stern voice I asked him what he had done, but he just wagged, and looked at me with an expression that made me feel guilty for not being as impressed with his handiwork, as he obviously thought I should have been.
I don't know why I felt the need to kiss his stupid great brown nose, as it followed me round the bedroom, while I picked the duvets guts up, but I'm going to talk to the doctor about my decline.

Today I woke up to a lot of hammering, and sawing. As pathetic as it might be, my first thought was, what the hell is Ted up to, so I shot out of bed, and found the boy in the spare room, staring out of the window at a bunch of builders creating an International Space Station, on the roof of a house over the road. Yes, I know they are only installing solar panels, and it's wrong to lie, but I've told Ted it's a space station, and if he's very good, and very quiet, and stays there until it's launch, they'll let him fly it. He must believe me, because apart from a couple of pee breaks, he's still up there watching, and my house remains intact.
Tomorrow's another day, but today I'm the winner.